U F O Baby
by sexycool-hana
Summary: Harry and Mione suddenly find themselves the caretakers of a baby (with ESP and levitating powers) and a cat that talks and does household chores!


"U.F.O. BABY"

DISCLAIMER: The plot is owned by "UFO Baby"… And I'd rather have Dan Radcliffe…

EPISODE 1: Meet the parents!

NOTE: Okay, please read this short summary so I won't have to explain it further! And please check out my other stories 'The Notepassers' and 'The Goose Girl'…

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FULL SUMMARY: Set after Hogwarts. Harry, Hermione and Ron decided to share a flat and live together. But Ron had to move out with his girlfriend Luna, leaving a constantly-bickering Harry and Hermione (neither of the two knew why; everyone suspect it's because of love and sexual tension).

One fateful night, a flying saucer landed on their backyard. To the pair's astonishment, they find a baby (named 'James') and a large animal that looks like a cross between a cat and a dog (Bow-meow) in the wreckage.

Harry and Hermione suddenly find themselves the reluctant caretakers of James and Bow-meow until a rescue team arrives from their planet Xertia.

But what if something (read: cute aliens?) begin to threaten their lives? What if, suddenly, Harry and Hermione become an item before everyone's eyes? And what the hell will people think of two controversial people (Harry's a top auror; Mione's a kindergarten teacher in a wizarding day care) living under the same roof, with a baby that won't stop calling them 'Mama' and 'Papa' and a cat that talks and does household chores!

Read and review to find out! On with the story…

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It was a very cheerful Sunday. Also considered as a traditional 'Family Day', there was a swarm of people bustling around Diagon Alley. Smiles dominated each and every face, and laughter and chatter rang aloud as people talked about the latest Quidditch supplies, the most refreshing ice cream flavor, etc. Now that the Dark Lord was depowered and defeated, the wizarding world returned to normal.

But on an apartment located at the heart of Diagon Alley, it was another story. The atmosphere depicts that of a funeral. There was a heavy feeling of loss and light sniffing sounds filled its living room. A man of about twenty, with raven-black hair and emerald-green eyes, patted his best mate Ron, who was carrying two large suitcases on either hand.

"Listen, Harry, I have to go," said Ron, ruffling his own red hair; his blue eyes glistening. "Luna needs me."

"It will never be the same without you," said Harry with loneliness in his tone. Behind him, a girl with brown curls sniffed silently. Ron turned to her.

"Alright, Hermione?" asked Ron, approaching her with the bravest front he could muster. The girl looked up and met his eyes, and nodded.

"Harry's still here," said Ron reassuringly, stroking her hair gently. "He won't leave you alone."

"I'm gonna miss you," said Hermione, ignoring what he said.

"Smile for me, Mione," said Ron seriously. Hermione laughed nervously and smiled sweetly. "That's better."

Ron held Hermione in his arms one last time before heading to the door. He was about to meet the cold winds that await for him on the other side when he paused and looked back. With a stern voice, he said "Harry, take care of Mione," before storming away, not waiting for their replies. When he had gone, the two had returned to their senses and shook their heads to clear of any grogginess.

"That went well," said Harry, throwing his self on the couch while Hermione pondered "Why does he want you to take care of me?"

Harry surveyed her with cold green eyes. "Because he's afraid we might try to bite each other's head off?" he suggested with an equally-cold voice.

"Here we go, again," said Hermione, clutching her forehead. "I'm going to bed."

"No one's stopping you," said Harry idly, reaching for the remote control of their television. Hermione glared at him wearily. "Harry, could you, just for once, drop it?" she asked conversationally.

Harry didn't answer. He flicked through the channels and settled on a 1980's flick. Hermione sighed and headed up the stairs.

'_It has always been like this,_' she thought angrily, now rubbing her temples. She entered her room and as soon as she had managed to switch on her lamp shade she collapsed on her bed. Ever since they moved in together, she and Harry had had non-stop arguments over little or big matters. Once, she remembered bickering with Harry over cereal. Had Ron not been with them through the times, they would've killed each other.

And now, Ron's gone.

Hermione bit her lower lip to stifle her tears. _'God,'_ she whispered, _'please give me strength to endure this all._' And then sleep overcame her.

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CRASH!

"Damn it, we've been hit!" screamed a fuzzy green creature as they felt their spaceship rattle violently. She heard a loud collective gasp from the other five weird creatures behind her (who were watching the events) as she grasped at the steering wheel tighter.

"Shoot them, Fuzzy!" said Slimy, an alien that resembled a snail covered in mucus. Fuzzy screamed "We can't! The boss will kill us if we kill the prince!" in reply.

"Uh, guys?" said a wobbly pink alien tentatively. "We've got a problem."

"What is it, Gelly?" asked Fuzzy urgently, still busy with the steering wheel.

"Our wings are damaged. We're… we're… we're…" Gelly trailed off, leaving her other five companions in quite a cliff-hanger.

"We're what!" asked an irritated Bouncy, an alien that looked like a cute rubber ball that –well- bounces.

"We're gonna crash," she declared with a tone that sounded like she was off to her execution. The others, still very busy and entertained with the fight, didn't hear. One even absent-mindedly said "That's nice."

Five seconds. Four. Three. Two. One.

"WHAT!" the five aliens bellowed, rounding on the poor Gelly. Instantly, there was chaos inside the cramped spaceship.

"Will you all please remain calm?" called out Fuzzy. In the riot, someone hit Fuzzy and caused her to accidentally push a button. There was a loud 'Whoosh!' as a missile launched from their compartment and swished to the target. There was a momentary pause as the aliens stopped to watch it.

KABOOM! The flying saucer in front of theirs –the one that contained their target- was hit. Smoke emitted from it as it swirled furiously while it dove downward.

"You idiots!" screamed Fuzzy, banging her head on the steering wheel in frustration. She pushed a blue button on her right and a hologram of a blank computer screen appeared.

"Computer," she called loudly. "Tell us where they will crash."

The screen suddenly changed to that of a political map. A red dot indicated the target's flying saucer. It was flying downwards…

"They are crashing into a planet called the 'Earth'," said an emotionless voice that was the computer's. "Inhabitants: Humans. Specific location of landing: London."

An alarm suddenly sounded.

"What's going on?" demanded Fuzzy. She rounded on her cohorts, who looked as clueless as she is.

"Error on section 3.4554," said the computer's voice again. "I'm afraid we're going to crash."

"Oh, yeah," said Fuzzy thoughtfully, a long finger lay on his temple. "Forgot about that…"

Suddenly, the six aliens' spaceship lurched and dove nose-first downward. "We're gonna crash! Aaahhh!..."

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'_Gods, she is so beautiful,'_ Harry thought as he spied on the girl drinking a mug of coffee and dwelling on a book, oblivious to the fact that someone was watching her.

Harry had meant to get a refreshing drink of cool water when the sight of her stopped him- not because he loathed her, but because her sight was breath-taking. He quickly hid behind the door. She had neatly pony tailed her luscious curls and her legs were haphazardly slumped on the counter. Her sleeping gown showed off her curves and her plump breasts. For Harry, it was an annoying thing that she had thought of putting on bra and panties.

It was twenty past midnight, and he was parched. Yet, she had quenched his thirst- just the sight of her. He actually didn't know why he had started to _act_ (yes, just act) like he hated her. Maybe Ron was right. Maybe everyone was right.

Maybe the world was right in saying that he secretly loved her.

She had been his best friend during seven years of schooling in Hogwarts. She was always there for him, as he was for her. Everyone back then thought they were a couple, but they were not.

On their seventh year, Voldemort got her. Harry thought he was going to lose her. He was as relieved as hell when he found her alive- but she was ecstatic. She said he shouldn't have come, that it was just a trap. But he didn't care; he didn't care if he had to give away his life- just to save her. Together, they had managed to defeat Voldemort. And it was unbelievable that he was _thisclose_ to admitting his feelings for her. Yet, he was foolish not to.

And this foolishness he is now regretting up to this day.

"Hermione, I don't want it to be like this… Believe me," he muttered as he saw her yawn wide.

Suddenly, a crash disrupted Harry from his thoughts. The noise was so loud he swore it must have been an explosion in the living room. He looked wildly around at Hermione and saw that she, like him, had her wand out. She was now standing firmly, her brows furrowed. He decided to show himself.

"What's that noise?" he asked her. She shrugged.

"I don't know. It must have come from the backyard," she said and trotted to the backyard. Harry followed.

The backyard was a sight! The beautiful flower beds were now newly-dug grounds. Soil and grass were scattered everywhere. Harry looked at Hermione to see her reaction about her precious garden being ruined but found that she had already wandered farther. Harry jogged up to her.

"Hermione," he said but fell dead silent at the sight in front of them.

"Is that a U.F.O.?" he asked faintly.

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_(Hello again, everyone! So, what do you think of this fic? It's gonna be humor soon. Ha! Imagine Harry and Hermione with a cute baby and a large talking cat! Crookshanks is not here, by the way… I don't know why. Please read and review!)_

_(Chapter 2: To keep the baby or not to keep the baby? That is the question. Winkie winkie!)_

_(Also please check out my other works: 'The Notepassers'- under HHr humor; and 'The Goose Girl'- under HHr fantasy… Thanks!)_


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